did you know that if people dont know something or make a mistake you can educate them without being an asshole and hurting their feelings
that post about how the head of a person’s dick is the same color as their lips is honestly stressing me out because i cant fucking tell if it’s accurate or not
My best friend said it isn’t…. I’m choosing to overlook how she knows that
yo im just throwing this out here but maybe she’s seen a dude’s penis
One has claws at the end of its paws and one is a pause at the end of a clause.
every medicine on the market is like
pros: you’ll stop coughing
cons: you might die
Sometimes i talk in song lyrics and my friends don’t even notice
sometimes I talk in Mean Girls quotes and no one notices
Sometimes I talk and nobody notices
At first it was funny but then it got kind of sad
Just like my social life
ONLY 90’S KIDS WILL GET THIS: crippling debt and ceaseless unemployment
- Tim Burton: Hey Johnny, I have this new mov-...
- Johnny Depp: Yes.
I’m anti-feminist for many of the same reasons I’m an atheist.
So you don’t believe women exist?
Its okay. I’m an atheist because I don’t believe in something I can’t see or touch. I suppose women are much like that for you.
COME ON AND SLAM!
AND WELCOME TO THE JAM!
BRO YOU’RE GONNA NEED LIKE 10 STACKS OF FEDORAS TO COVER THAT BURN
I survived 12 years of my life with no internet
but now I can’t survive like 12 seconds waiting for a page to load
something has gone so desperately wrong
- *not hot enough*
- *turns knob 1/16th of an inch*
- Satan himself pours out of your shower head and licks your back seductively.
- Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.
- Communism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
- Fascism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
- Nazism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you.
- Bureaucratism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away..
- Traditional Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
- An American Corporation: You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.
- A French Corporation: You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
- Japanese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
- An Italian Corporation: You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
- A Swiss Corporation: You have 5000 cows. None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
- Chinese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
- An Iraqi Corporation: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your arse. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.......
- Counter Culture: 'Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!'
- Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
- Apathyologism: You have 2 cows. You do not care.
- Fatalist: You have 2 doomed cows...
- Atheism: You have 2 cows. There is no God.
- A West-Country Corporation: You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
- A Brazilian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You pay taxes for 6 cows. You have to sell one cow in order to pay the taxes. Your remaining cow gets sick and dies while waiting for availability in the public vet hospital.
- Russia: You have two cows. Since they are both female, if you happen to keep them in the same stable you will pay a 5,000 rouble fine for homosexual propaganda.
- PETA: You have two cows. You kill them both. You then use naked women to convince other people that killing cows is wrong.
- Moffat: You have two cows. Both of them are your daughters time traveling from the past where they had a brief love affair with Da Vinci making you the rightful Queen of England. As you assume the throne, you throw them off a building.
- Hussie: You have 2 cows. You ask for another one. Instead of getting just 1 cow, you get 2,485,506 cows.
- Romney: You have 2 cows. You are not the president of the united states.
- Once-ler: You have 1 cow. Everyone decides to make 5 different versions of that cow.
- Old Spice: You have 2 cows. The cows are now diamonds. I'm on a horse.
- An Irish Corporation: You have a million cows because they're everywhere
- Tumblr: You have 2 cows. You ship them together and make GIF posts screaming about how much you love your cows, but they should stop existing because they are so perfect.
- Also Tumblr: I give you a hamburger.
- Cows: The shit you go through.
- This post: Started off as a post that explained different goverments but then everything changed when the fire nation attacked
Did you know that in Australia it’s five times more likely that you’ll pick a partner based on humour rather than looks so if you’re ugly but a hilarious motherfucker then you’re almost guaranteed love
yea but have u ever seen an ugly australian
i am waiting for an ugly australian to add their selfie to this post pls do it is beckoning you to tumblr fame