My humor zones, and other such stuff
one time when my dad was in college these guys found a carpet on the sidewalk and they needed furniture for their dorm so they were like “hell yeah free carpet” and they carried the carpet upstairs and it was really wet and heavy so they unrolled it to let it dry and a dead body fell out
I’M NOT SHITTING YOU
If I ever saw one of my celebrity crushes in real life I wouldn’t approach them. Instead I would pay a homeless man twenty bucks to punch me in the face in front of them. Because based on all of the fanfiction I have read they would then rush to my aid and then invite me back to their apartment to get an ice pack and then I say something cute and witty that makes them want to kiss me and then we fall in love and get married.